Friday, March 13, 2015
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I recall being so young. So far back in time that I forget the first moment we connected. But I do remember the way you made me feel over the years. You were with me for every significant life event. You gave me comfort when I had nowhere else to turn. You helped me celebrate when I was happy. You kept me company in my loneliness and in my solitude. Over the years our relationship took many forms, and together we developed, grew, got to know each other, understand each other in all our mediums.
The way I feel when my finger tips touch some aspect of you. It feels like home. When my mind connects with you. When my fiber is filled with your essence. The way I feel when we have success. It makes me feel alive inside. When you show me different ways our existence together can take shape I feel renewed vigor. I feel passion only reserved for you. It is like we belong so completely, neither can think, feel, believe, or exist without the other. Yet this is a happy co-dependence. One I would not change.
Over the years you have never left my side. Only I felt you did. There was that time when I doubted you and I had anything special left. When those around me looked at me with pity, like I was not privy to the joke that was me. Yet then there was that moment that renowned artist looked at me with amazement as he said ‘you have the most incredible imagination’. With high emphasis on the ‘incredible’. I didn’t really recognize that moment as I should have. You and I didn’t celebrate as we could have. I didn’t feel you were still with me and on my side. I now know, I should never have doubted you.
Eventually I did what I seemed to do when I was young, when a relationship was serious. I broke the other’s heart. I turned my back on you without explanation. It is clichéd, but it wasn’t you, it was me. I needed a break. I needed to get to know a different side of me, one that wasn’t dependant on you. I am sorry. Truly sorry because so many years have been wasted, because I did not have you within me.
We found each other again though. Not too long ago. I had space to breathe, away from the rat race I’d found myself in. You appeared to me in a way that was unexpected. I started to cry when I realised you were standing there, just waiting for me to be ready again. I embraced you tentatively. We started slowly. We needed to get to know each other again. We needed to build trust, faith. We needed to reconnect. Slowly but surely we are getting there. Getting back to where we once were. This time things are different. The world I inhabit is different. So we are exploring possibilities. We are finding a way to be together again. I am so happy to have you back in my life. You are my first true love, and you will be my last.
You are, My Creativity.
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